“But I do miss how much I used to feel.” I have some horrible memories of rejection from my teens and early 20s, but there is a part of me that gets strangely nostalgic about those experiences, for this very reason. There’s really nothing that gets me that worked up anymore. I’m happy to be happy, but sometimes I wish the emotional pool was as deep as it used to be.
I loved reading this! I’ve been thinking along similar lines recently, of what our younger and more insecure selves knew that we didn’t, some sort of strange wisdom that only comes from desperately wanting something that feels out of your reach (but easy for others).
I could have done with a little less of it, lol. Like 1/4 of it would have gotten the same point across. But I do think desperation gets you in touch with some sort of primal survival instinct, and is ultimately life-affirming. (Famous last words...)
Nice piece dude. Great voice and execution. I did the opposite. Had a lot of sex and ended up nihilistic. For me, the “truth” is neither sad or happy, it’s contextual and subjective. We are transactional as individuals but it’s also not our utmost foundation. That’s what I love about children, specifically my niece. I can pour resources and attention into her and the imbalance is invisible to me. I never think about it. She gobbles it up so freely sometimes she might heartlessly discard something I put a lot of thought into, but that also doesn’t bother me. It’s so freeing to just be there and have no anxiety about it and realize we’re not unlike little humans ourselves sometimes. Also good call realizing you weren’t #1 for Hayumi and backing away. Great presence and maturity. It’s not fun waiting in line but it was actually inspiring to see you grapple with her decision instead of escaping into delusion. And at such a young age. I firmly believe the pain we have to go through we have to go through. It waits for us and we never outsmart it. The truly strong overcome it in their twenties. The weak push it aside and focus on others until things fall apart at around 37. But it seems like that won’t be your arc at all.
Your frankness is delightful. I had a similar experience of going abroad to somewhere that felt more “home” when I was younger, trying to enter sexuality feeling late and figure out how much I could bargain to myself on the sanctity of sex when I had none prior.
really enjoyed this! imo it’s interesting that “virgin” isn’t used as an insult way that “incel” is. it feels very 90s (i’m thinking of clueless, lol). perhaps it’s not used bc it implies a purity and youthfulness and sounds voluntary, compared to incel. maybe it sounds too feminine (tho wouldn’t that make it a better insult?) —on the other hand, “sexless” is an insult i see hurled around more and more, usually implying a sort of spiritual (lol) or aesthetic rather than a literal sexlessness
Yes, the insults have become more embittered: "virgin" became "creep" became "incel." Soon, "incel" will have lost its sting so maybe "cuck" will become more acceptable.
"Virgin," despite its drawbacks, still has too many positive connotations. Try selling "incel olive oil."
Here's a thought I'm exploring - everyone finds fulfillment in different and transient ways. It's yearning, desire, and the feeling of being left out that are universal. Different details, same story.
“But I do miss how much I used to feel.” I have some horrible memories of rejection from my teens and early 20s, but there is a part of me that gets strangely nostalgic about those experiences, for this very reason. There’s really nothing that gets me that worked up anymore. I’m happy to be happy, but sometimes I wish the emotional pool was as deep as it used to be.
The grand bargain
I loved reading this! I’ve been thinking along similar lines recently, of what our younger and more insecure selves knew that we didn’t, some sort of strange wisdom that only comes from desperately wanting something that feels out of your reach (but easy for others).
Thanks Nikkitha! As I wrote, it's also odd that you miss that desperation sometimes.
I don't.
I could have done with a little less of it, lol. Like 1/4 of it would have gotten the same point across. But I do think desperation gets you in touch with some sort of primal survival instinct, and is ultimately life-affirming. (Famous last words...)
If I only knew then, what I know now.
Nice piece dude. Great voice and execution. I did the opposite. Had a lot of sex and ended up nihilistic. For me, the “truth” is neither sad or happy, it’s contextual and subjective. We are transactional as individuals but it’s also not our utmost foundation. That’s what I love about children, specifically my niece. I can pour resources and attention into her and the imbalance is invisible to me. I never think about it. She gobbles it up so freely sometimes she might heartlessly discard something I put a lot of thought into, but that also doesn’t bother me. It’s so freeing to just be there and have no anxiety about it and realize we’re not unlike little humans ourselves sometimes. Also good call realizing you weren’t #1 for Hayumi and backing away. Great presence and maturity. It’s not fun waiting in line but it was actually inspiring to see you grapple with her decision instead of escaping into delusion. And at such a young age. I firmly believe the pain we have to go through we have to go through. It waits for us and we never outsmart it. The truly strong overcome it in their twenties. The weak push it aside and focus on others until things fall apart at around 37. But it seems like that won’t be your arc at all.
Thanks for the gracious words, Justin
Your frankness is delightful. I had a similar experience of going abroad to somewhere that felt more “home” when I was younger, trying to enter sexuality feeling late and figure out how much I could bargain to myself on the sanctity of sex when I had none prior.
Thanks Riichee! Where'd you go?
I went to Japan! First time I went anywhere outside America.
really enjoyed this! imo it’s interesting that “virgin” isn’t used as an insult way that “incel” is. it feels very 90s (i’m thinking of clueless, lol). perhaps it’s not used bc it implies a purity and youthfulness and sounds voluntary, compared to incel. maybe it sounds too feminine (tho wouldn’t that make it a better insult?) —on the other hand, “sexless” is an insult i see hurled around more and more, usually implying a sort of spiritual (lol) or aesthetic rather than a literal sexlessness
Thanks Book Notes!
Yes, the insults have become more embittered: "virgin" became "creep" became "incel." Soon, "incel" will have lost its sting so maybe "cuck" will become more acceptable.
"Virgin," despite its drawbacks, still has too many positive connotations. Try selling "incel olive oil."
Lol Extra Volcel olive oil 🫒
I would cook with volcel olive oil
You went there and it resonates. Kudos brother.
Here's a thought I'm exploring - everyone finds fulfillment in different and transient ways. It's yearning, desire, and the feeling of being left out that are universal. Different details, same story.
Thanks, Dan!
I really like your cross cultural exploration as well! Spending time in Korea makes an impact on the experience as well
I lived abroad in Korea for a year and a half for work recently and found it a disorienting experience as a gyopo
Thanks Esther! Have you spent a lot of time there?